Sanity
by Hobbit985
Summary: Gwen and Owen have witnessed a lot since they started work at Torchwood. So after the events of Countrycide they find the only way to keep themselves sane is to find another who understands.


Affairs can change people a lot. Before she started at Torchwood, Gwen was happy with Rhys. They were content with what they had; they might even have got married, started a family and settled down properly.

But then Gwen saw John Tucker bought back from the dead. She took the job at Torchwood after watching Suzie kill herself. She let loose a sex driven alien, ended up kissing two people, saw echoes from the past, felt feelings that didn't belong to her, ended up kissing Owen in a body cell, fighting fairies and being shot by cannibals in a remote village.

Someone once said that salvation and damnation were the same thing. Gwen knew what they meant now. She couldn't stand the fear and anger that working with Torchwood caused, but how could she give it all up and go back to Rhys? She needed to be with people that understood.

That was why she was stood here now, in Owen's flat, waiting for him to return from Torchwood. She knew that she should really break up with Rhys. It wasn't fair on him; but it wasn't fair on Gwen either. She needed something normal to come home to after a hard days work, even if they sat watching T.V., never talking.

Gwen couldn't let Rhys touch her anymore. Not after she was shot. How could she explain away the scars? Any of the reasons she came up with ended with Rhys marching her down to the police station to confess everything.

She still cared for Rhys; even loved him in a way, but it wasn't enough. She needed someone she could connect with. She wasn't sure when she realised it. It might've been when she first clapped eyes on Owen, or maybe when they both saw past memories that shocked them to their core. She knew her feelings were certainly there after the first kiss. She felt guilty afterward and went home to Rhys and tried hard to make it up. But when Owen had told everyone, she'd felt so angry; she felt used and was considering forgetting her feelings for him entirely, was even going to tell him as much, but he'd changed her mind.

The thrill of being pinned against the tree, so tantalisingly close, was too much for her. Then of course, she'd spotted the villager watching her. When she'd been shot it was worse. The pain hadn't registered; the only thought running through her mind was that she'd never said sorry to Owen. When it finally sank in that she'd been wounded Jack had already scooped her up and taken her into the house, laying her on the table.

She hadn't wanted Jack to leave her and especially hadn't wanted Owen treating her. Not when he was so irresistible. His hands had been freezing, but they somehow seemed to soothe the pain. She'd cringed when she made the prick comment, but Owen had just laughed. Her hands gripping his shoulder had loosened, stroking the back of his neck, but she knew that their current situation was not one to interrupt with these kinds of desires. That didn't stop her going home with him afterwards.

Gwen's thoughts were interrupted by Owen opening the door. He didn't say anything, and Gwen didn't turn around. She continued staring out the window the same way she'd done after the first time they slept together.

Owen cam up behind her, wrapping his arms round her waist. Gwen smiled slightly to herself.

"Jack ask any questions?" She asked quietly.

"No, he was just berating me for being 'distracted'," Owen replied, his fingers tenderly running across the almost healed wound on Gwen's stomach.

"Surprised he hasn't twigged really," Gwen sighed. Owen started kissing her neck, only half listening.

"Mm," he mumbled. "Never been with someone long enough to be distracted."

"Am I supposed to be worried?" Gwen asked, laughing slightly.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Gwen, you're not the only one who's changed," Owen grinned. "I don't suppose you would've cheated on Rhys before you started at Torchwood?"

"Don't, Owen," Gwen shrugged him off turning round.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," Owen reached out a hand to cup Gwen's cheek. "I know you're not a bad person, Gwen."

She looked at him sorrowfully. Owen could say she wasn't a bad person, but inside she was beginning to think she was. She felt responsible for two deaths already and she hadn't exactly helped the team. Sometimes she felt more like a liability.

"What am I doing Owen?" She whispered, tears prickling at the back of her eyes. "I was perfectly normal Gwen Cooper before. What am I now? Gwen Cooper, Torchwood member? How many lives to I have to watch ruined? How many live do I have to ruin? How many people do I have to watch die?"

She sat down on the bed covering her face with her hands. She felt Owen sit next to her.

"Jack gave you the amnesia pill," Owen said wrapping an arm round her shoulders and pulling her close. "It wouldn't have worked a second time. There would've been no escaping it. You would always have had to work with us."

"Or against you," Gwen leant against Owen. "Jack said once that if we weren't with him, we were against him. Does that mean he kills people who don't agree to work for Torchwood?"

"I don't think so," Owen chuckled softly. "He only picks the best."

"Bigging yourself up a bit there," Gwen commented. "Jack can be harsh sometimes."

"Jack can be very inhuman sometimes," Owen agreed.

Gwen looked up at Owen, pondering what he'd just said. He stared back as if asking her what she was thinking.

"He never seems to change," she said frowning slightly. "Not like you and me."

It was true; Owen had changed a lot too. Since their kiss, Owen had thought of no one but Gwen. He hadn't been with a single person. Tosh had offered to take him to a bar several times, but he'd declined, preferring to spend his evening thinking about Gwen.

Though he was used to being with at least four people at once, he couldn't bear to betray Gwen, despite knowing that she was still with Rhys. Of course Owen knew that they were hardly talking, let alone doing anything else.

"Not like you and me," Owen whispered to himself, glancing away.

Things were tough when you were a member of Torchwood. He looked back at Gwen, her lips so close to his own. He closed the gap, kissing her gently. The only thing that kept Owen and Gwen sane was the other.


End file.
